via XKCD
A/B

5/18/2019 8:42:48 AM

via Cracked
Dennis Rodman: Good At Basketball, Bad At Yoga Studio Theft?

By Luis Prada  Published: May 16th, 2019 

5/18/2019 8:42:44 AM

via Cracked
This Is The Only Fan Petition You Should Sign

By JM McNab  Published: May 16th, 2019 

5/18/2019 8:42:44 AM

via Cracked
6 Totally Weird Marvel Movie Scenes You Forgot Existed

By JM McNab  Published: May 17th, 2019 

5/18/2019 8:42:44 AM

via Cracked
5 Ways 'Body Positivity' Can Just Make Women Feel Worse

By Lydia Bugg  Published: May 17th, 2019 

5/18/2019 8:42:44 AM

via Cracked
18 Famous Logos, Redesigned To Actually Make Sense

By Cracked Plasticians  Published: May 17th, 2019 

5/18/2019 8:42:44 AM

via Funny or Die
via The Onion
The History Of Robocalls

There were more than 48 billion robocalls across the country in 2018, a nearly 50% increase from the previous year, continuing a frustrating practice that’s endured for decades. The Onion looks back at the history of robocalls.Read more...

5/17/2019 7:56:00 PM

via The Onion
Adam Gase To Play All 22 Positions After Pushing Out Entire Jets Team

NEW YORK—Cleaning house after a dispute over the direction the team has taken this offseason, New York Jets head coach and interim general manager Adam Gase announced plans Friday to play all 22 positions on the field next season after pus ...

5/17/2019 7:52:00 PM

via The Onion
World Rejoices As Grumpy Cat And Her Shitty Attitude Dead Forever

MORRISTOWN, AZ—Pouring into the streets to celebrate the passing of the viral internet sensation, the entire world populace let out a cheer upon learning Grumpy Cat and her shitty attitude had finally died and would stay dead forever, sour ...

5/17/2019 6:49:00 PM

via The Onion
Bleeding John Bolton Stumbles Into Capitol Building Claiming That Iran Shot Him

WASHINGTON—Bursting through the Congressional chamber doors while moaning and clutching his shoulder, John Bolton reportedly stumbled into the Capitol building Friday claiming that he’d been shot by Iran. “Help, help, I’ve just been attack ...

5/17/2019 5:43:00 PM

via College Humor
Way Too Stoned on Parents' Weekend

td {border: 1px solid #ccc;}br {mso-data-placement:same-cell;} Stoners and narcs scrutinize each other as players stir the pot with false confessions.

5/17/2019 5:30:30 PM

via The Onion
Michael Wolff Finishes Sequel To ‘Fire And Fury’

Author Michael Wolff has finished another document of the current White House administration titled Siege: Trump Under Fire, promising an equally “essential and explosive” account as its predecessor, Fire And Fury. What do you think?Read m ...

5/17/2019 5:30:00 PM

via The Onion
‘Game Of Thrones’ Showrunners Disappointed With How Quality Of Fans Has Dropped Off Over Past Couple Seasons

LOS ANGELES—Saying their once-beloved viewers have lost much of their luster in recent years, Game Of Thrones showrunners D.B. Weiss and David Benioff acknowledged Friday they have been frustrated with the way fans of the HBO series have d ...

5/17/2019 3:08:00 PM

via The Onion
Excited Archaeologists Hit Mass Grave Jackpot

NIMRUD, IRAQ—Popping open a bottle of champagne and dancing with a mummified corpse in celebration, Smithsonian Institution archeologist Dr. Kathleen Roberts confessed she was “excited as all hell” Thursday after “hitting the mass grave ja ...

5/17/2019 12:26:00 PM

via The Onion
Arizona Legalizes Nunchucks

Arizona Governor Doug Ducey signed a bill this week removing nunchucks from a list of prohibited weapons that includes bombs, gun silencers, and automatic firearms, saying they pose less of a threat than a baseball bat. What do you think?R ...

5/17/2019 12:18:00 PM

via The Onion
Friends Place Memorial On Section Of Six Flags Roller Coaster Track Where Guest Died

VALENCIA, CA—Solemnly braving the 230-foot heights of the steel roller coaster while carrying bouquets of flowers, framed photographs, and personal letters, friends of recently deceased Jeff Brinkley placed a memorial at the exact spot on ...

5/17/2019 12:18:00 PM

via The Onion
via The Onion
Bugs Bunny Explains How LeBron Helped Him Get Sober For Role In ‘Space Jam’ Sequel

BURBANK, CA—Saying he wanted to thank the four-time NBA MVP for encouraging him to put his dangerous party days behind him, famed Looney Tunes star Bugs Bunny described Thursday how his friend LeBron James helped him get sober for their ap ...

5/17/2019 12:08:00 PM

via The Onion
Alabama Effectively Bans Abortion

The Alabama Senate approved a law effectively banning abortions without exception, setting up a fight that could decide the fate of Roe v. Wade. What do you think?Read more...

5/16/2019 8:43:00 PM

via The Onion
They Did it Again: During Wednesday’s Nintendo Direct The Company Announced The Beauty Of A Rose

Fans have been eagerly looking forward to yesterday’s Nintendo Direct, and it was worth the wait. During the online presentation, Nintendo announced the beauty of a rose, the delicate splendor of each crimson petal, the poetry of its elega ...

5/16/2019 7:11:00 PM

via College Humor
What Is the Best Funeral You Can Imagine?

td {border: 1px solid #ccc;}br {mso-data-placement:same-cell;} Service contains strobe lights, lasers, and other effects that may adversely affect some guests.

5/16/2019 5:30:32 PM

via The Onion
BREAKING: Situation Worsens In Venezuela, Bolivia, U.S., Japan, Mexico, Iraq, Spain

WASHINGTON—Confirming recent reports of conditions approaching crisis levels, sources across the globe revealed Thursday that the situation continues to worsen in Venezuela, Bolivia, the United States, Japan, Mexico, Iraq, and Spain, in ad ...

5/16/2019 5:22:00 PM

via The Onion
Woman Walking Alone At Night Picks Up Pace After Spotting Truck Full Of Alabama Lawmakers Slowly Following Her

MONTGOMERY, AL—Quickening her pace as the vehicle flashed its brights, Alabama woman Alison Kyles, 29, reportedly hurried towards home Thursday after spotting a pickup truck full of Alabama lawmakers slowly following her. “At first, I thou ...

5/16/2019 4:33:00 PM

via The Onion
Pfizer Denies Encouraging Drug Abuse By Packaging Fentanyl With Cooking Spoon, Lighter

NEW YORK—In an effort to address the growing controversy surrounding widespread non-medical use of their products, pharmaceutical giant Pfizer released a statement Thursday categorically denying that packaging fentanyl with cooking spoons ...

5/16/2019 4:21:00 PM

via The Onion
How To Avoid Spoilers

Read more...

5/16/2019 3:30:00 PM

via The Onion
‘New York Times’ Rehires Judith Miller To Cover Escalating Iran Tensions

NEW YORK—In a press release heralding the latest addition to its masthead, The New York Times announced Thursday it had rehired Judith Miller to cover the Trump administration’s escalating tensions with Iran. “The experience Ms. Miller bri ...

5/16/2019 3:18:00 PM

via The Onion
via The Onion
Wikipedia Blocked In China

Internet researchers found that community-edited encyclopedia Wikipedia has been blocked in China, joining thousands of other websites that have been censored by the country’s Communist Party. What do you think?Read more...

5/16/2019 2:42:00 PM

via Cracked
FYI: The Game Of Thrones Guys Are Making The Next Star Wars

By Cedric Voets  Published: May 15th, 2019 

5/16/2019 1:20:12 PM

via Cracked
5 Clever Movie/TV Jokes You Probably Missed

By Cezary Jan Strusiewicz  Published: May 16th, 2019 

5/16/2019 1:20:12 PM

via Cracked
5 Crazy Movie Foreshadowing Scenes Everybody Always Misses

By JM McNab  Published: May 16th, 2019 

5/16/2019 1:20:12 PM

via College Humor
Giving Yourself Permission to Feel (with Marisha Ray)

td {border: 1px solid #ccc;}br {mso-data-placement:same-cell;} Marisha Ray and Brennan tackle crying during gameplay and players with different ways of listening.

5/15/2019 7:30:01 PM

via The Onion
Nationals GM Introduces Players To New Stepmanager

WASHINGTON—Hoping to ease the team into a new period of transition, Washington Nationals general manager Mike Rizzo took a moment Wednesday to introduce his players to their new stepmanager. “Everyone, this is Dale. You’re going to be seei ...

5/15/2019 7:20:00 PM

via The Onion
New Tamagotchi Can Have Children And Marry

Bandai America announced a revamped version of the Tamagotchi, updating the ’90s toy to give the electronic creatures the ability to breed and marry one another through a wireless connection. What do you think?Read more...

5/15/2019 7:15:00 PM

via The Onion
Mike Gravel Can’t Believe His Polling Numbers Neck-And-Neck With Fucking Nobody Like Wayne Messam

BURLINGAME, CA—Stressing that he is a “two-term United States senator for Christ’s sake,” White House Democratic hopeful Mike Gravel told reporters Wednesday that he can’t believe he’s polling neck-and-neck with a fucking nobody like Flori ...

5/15/2019 6:35:00 PM

via The Onion
Traveling Is An Incredible Way To Meet Vulnerable People Nobody Will Go Looking For

Many travel for the pleasures of sightseeing. Others to experience a different culture: Its history, its art, its food. For me, the best part of a trip abroad is the folks you meet along the way. Whether it’s the impressionable backpacker ...

5/15/2019 5:50:00 PM

via The Onion
Traveling Is An Incredible Way To Meet Vulnerable People Nobody Will Go Looking For

Many travel for the pleasures of sightseeing. Others to experience a different culture: Its history, its art, its food. For me, the best part of a trip abroad is the folks you meet along the way. Whether it’s the impressionable backpacker ...

5/15/2019 5:50:00 PM

via The Onion
Traveling Is An Incredible Way To Meet Vulnerable People Nobody Will Go Looking For

Many travel for the pleasures of sightseeing. Others to experience a different culture: Its history, its art, its food. For me, the best part of a trip abroad is the folks you meet along the way. Whether it’s the impressionable backpacker ...

5/15/2019 5:50:00 PM

via The Onion
Abused 12-Year-Old Alabama Girl Doesn’t Think She Can Handle Being A Mom On Top Of Everything Else

MONTGOMERY, AL—Conveying her concerns that the additional obstacles presented by parenthood would be too much to bear, 12-year-old abuse survivor Abigail Dunn was reportedly worried Wednesday that she wouldn’t be able to handle being a mom ...

5/15/2019 5:42:00 PM

via The Onion
Abused 12-Year-Old Alabama Girl Doesn’t Think She Can Handle Being A Mom On Top Of Everything Else

MONTGOMERY, AL—Conveying her concerns that the additional obstacles presented by parenthood would be too much to bear, 12-year-old abuse survivor Abigail Dunn was reportedly worried Wednesday that she wouldn’t be able to handle being a mom ...

5/15/2019 5:42:00 PM

via The Onion
Abused 12-Year-Old Alabama Girl Doesn’t Think She Can Handle Being A Mom On Top Of Everything Else

MONTGOMERY, AL—Conveying her concerns that the additional obstacles presented by parenthood would be too much to bear, 12-year-old abuse survivor Abigail Dunn was reportedly worried Wednesday that she wouldn’t be able to handle being a mom ...

5/15/2019 5:42:00 PM

via The Onion
Pros And Cons Of Weighted Blankets

Weighted blankets have skyrocketed in popularity, with enthusiastic users touting their health benefits, but they may not be right for everyone. The Onion looks at the pros and cons of using a weighted blanket.Read more...

5/15/2019 5:39:00 PM

via The Onion
Pros And Cons Of Weighted Blankets

Weighted blankets have skyrocketed in popularity, with enthusiastic users touting their health benefits, but they may not be right for everyone. The Onion looks at the pros and cons of using a weighted blanket.Read more...

5/15/2019 5:39:00 PM

via The Onion
Aides Request John Bolton Please Stop Setting Fire To Middle East Tactical Map

WASHINGTON—Saying his outbursts have hindered their ability to hold constructive military strategy sessions, top Pentagon aides have repeatedly asked National Security Advisor John Bolton to stop setting fire to their Middle East tactical ...

5/15/2019 5:35:00 PM

via The Onion
Aides Request John Bolton Please Stop Setting Fire To Middle East Tactical Map

WASHINGTON—Saying his outbursts have hindered their ability to hold constructive military strategy sessions, top Pentagon aides have repeatedly asked National Security Advisor John Bolton to stop setting fire to their Middle East tactical ...

5/15/2019 5:35:00 PM

via The Onion
Aides Request John Bolton Please Stop Setting Fire To Middle East Tactical Map

WASHINGTON—Saying his outbursts have hindered their ability to hold constructive military strategy sessions, top Pentagon aides have repeatedly asked National Security Advisor John Bolton to stop setting fire to their Middle East tactical ...

5/15/2019 5:35:00 PM

via The Onion
Aides Request John Bolton Please Stop Setting Fire To Middle East Tactical Map

WASHINGTON—Saying his outbursts have hindered their ability to hold constructive military strategy sessions, top Pentagon aides have repeatedly asked National Security Advisor John Bolton to stop setting fire to their Middle East tactical ...

5/15/2019 5:35:00 PM

via College Humor
The Apothecary Barista

td {border: 1px solid #ccc;}br {mso-data-placement:same-cell;} Here you'll find all the potions, poisons, & chai you could never want.

5/15/2019 5:30:21 PM

via The Onion
via The Onion
via The Onion
via The Onion
via The Onion
via The Onion
via The Onion
via The Onion
via The Onion
via New Yorker Humor
Alabama Senate Votes to Virtually Eliminate Tourism to Alabama

Andy Borowitz jokes that the intent of the Alabama Senate’s approval of a stringent anti-abortion bill is to eliminate tourism from the state.

5/15/2019 4:12:26 PM

via New Yorker Humor
Alabama Senate Votes to Virtually Eliminate Tourism to Alabama

Andy Borowitz jokes that the intent of the Alabama Senate’s approval of a stringent anti-abortion bill is to eliminate tourism from the state.

5/15/2019 4:12:26 PM

via New Yorker Humor
Daily Cartoon: Wednesday, May 15th

Brendan Loper’s Daily Cartoon enjoys the nice weather.

5/15/2019 2:37:05 PM

via New Yorker Humor
Daily Cartoon: Wednesday, May 15th

Brendan Loper’s Daily Cartoon enjoys the nice weather.

5/15/2019 2:37:05 PM

via New Yorker Humor
Daily Cartoon: Wednesday, May 15th

Brendan Loper’s Daily Cartoon enjoys the nice weather.

5/15/2019 2:37:05 PM

via New Yorker Humor
Daily Cartoon: Wednesday, May 15th

Brendan Loper’s Daily Cartoon enjoys the nice weather.

5/15/2019 2:37:05 PM

via The Onion
EA Announces New Revenue Model Just Deleting Everyone’s ‘Anthem’ Characters Unless They Send Company $300 In Next Hour

Anthem fans, take notice: Electronic Arts just announced they’re rolling out a new revenue model for the game that involves deleting everyone’s characters unless they send the company $300 in the next hour.Read more...

5/15/2019 2:26:00 PM

via The Onion
EA Announces New Revenue Model Just Deleting Everyone’s ‘Anthem’ Characters Unless They Send Company $300 In Next Hour

Anthem fans, take notice: Electronic Arts just announced they’re rolling out a new revenue model for the game that involves deleting everyone’s characters unless they send the company $300 in the next hour.Read more...

5/15/2019 2:26:00 PM

via The Onion
EA Announces New Revenue Model Just Deleting Everyone’s ‘Anthem’ Characters Unless They Send Company $300 In Next Hour

Anthem fans, take notice: Electronic Arts just announced they’re rolling out a new revenue model for the game that involves deleting everyone’s characters unless they send the company $300 in the next hour.Read more...

5/15/2019 2:26:00 PM

via The Onion
EA Announces New Revenue Model Just Deleting Everyone’s ‘Anthem’ Characters Unless They Send Company $300 In Next Hour

Anthem fans, take notice: Electronic Arts just announced they’re rolling out a new revenue model for the game that involves deleting everyone’s characters unless they send the company $300 in the next hour.Read more...

5/15/2019 2:26:00 PM

via The Onion
EA Announces New Revenue Model Just Deleting Everyone’s ‘Anthem’ Characters Unless They Send Company $300 In Next Hour

Anthem fans, take notice: Electronic Arts just announced they’re rolling out a new revenue model for the game that involves deleting everyone’s characters unless they send the company $300 in the next hour.Read more...

5/15/2019 2:26:00 PM

via The Onion
Ugh, So Obnoxious: This Guy Just Pulled Out An Acoustic Guitar At A Party And Killed Someone With It

Prepare to be seriously annoyed, because something pretty obnoxious just happened at a party in Los Angeles: This guy just pulled out an acoustic guitar and killed someone with it.Read more...

5/15/2019 2:00:00 PM

via XKCD
XKeyboarCD

5/15/2019 1:44:42 PM

via Cracked
The Time Travel in Avengers: Endgame Just Got More Confusing

By JM McNab  Published: May 14th, 2019 

5/15/2019 1:12:43 PM

via Cracked
5 Products You Own (That Were Made By The Worst People)

By Pauli Poisuo,Taylor Daine,E. Reid Ross,Christian Markle,Tee Ngin Rui,RG Jordan  Published: May 15th, 2019 

5/15/2019 1:12:43 PM

via Cracked
5 Weird Supernatural Plots In Famous Sitcoms

By Lydia Bugg  Published: May 15th, 2019 

5/15/2019 1:12:43 PM

via The Onion
via The Onion
Dow Plunges As China–U.S. Trade War Escalates

Wall Street suffered one of its worst days of 2019 after China raised tariffs on $60 billion worth of U.S. goods after President Trump followed through on threats to do so on $200 billion worth of Chinese goods. What do you think?Read more ...

5/15/2019 12:40:00 PM

via The Onion
Deutsche Bank Begins Removing Possessions From White House After Trump Defaults On Loan

WASHINGTON—As the inconsolable president stood outside in his threadbare robe in the early hours of Wednesday morning, employees sent by Deutsche Bank began removing possessions from the White House after Donald Trump defaulted on his loan ...

5/15/2019 12:34:00 PM

via Funny or Die
via College Humor
Welcome to the Dark Side (Pt 2)

td {border: 1px solid #ccc;}br {mso-data-placement:same-cell;} We all stan the Dark Lord.

5/14/2019 7:30:41 PM

via The Onion
Next Measles Outbreak Most Likely To Hit Chicago, Los Angeles, Miami

Researchers at the University of Texas at Austin published a study predicting Chicago, Los Angeles, or Miami will most likely suffer the next measles outbreak due to lack of proper vaccinations. What do you think?Read more...

5/14/2019 7:13:00 PM

via The Onion
New Poll Finds Millennials Far More Likely To Politically Identify As Feudalists Than Previous Generations

WASHINGTON—Revealing a profound transformation of American socioeconomic attitudes, a new Gallup poll published Tuesday found that millennials were far more likely to politically identify as feudalists than previous generations. “Our surve ...

5/14/2019 5:48:00 PM

via College Humor
Mating Isn't Like Dating

td {border: 1px solid #ccc;}br {mso-data-placement:same-cell;} Biologist Menno Schilthuizen schools Jake on nature's nether regions, from seduction to reproduction.

5/14/2019 5:30:24 PM

via College Humor
When Theater Kids Grow Up

td {border: 1px solid #ccc;}br {mso-data-placement:same-cell;} Nobody needs to hear a 30-year-old reminisce on their experiences in a high school play.

5/14/2019 5:30:03 PM